fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Randomize
