I'm really into asian looking animals
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
