Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
God, I missed his penis.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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