Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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