I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
