Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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