I'm lost and stupid without you.
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
