just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
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