um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
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