If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Is it because I queefed?
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
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Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
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I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
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