If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
