Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
