So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Had a speaker in class today. She asked whats the first question when you see someone pregnant. I said whos the father? She was looking for "is it a boy or a girl?"
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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