God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
