I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
