Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Randomize
