you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
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