Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
