I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
