I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
She's JV to your varsity
He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
