watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
