he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize