dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
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