I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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