It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Randomize
