are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
