Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Randomize
