My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
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