But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
