they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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