Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
