according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
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