my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
