i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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