i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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