Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
