Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
The sex definitely would have been a perk. But not sitting in a ditch was what I was going for...
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
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