I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
