Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Panties = found
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
