I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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