First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
is it consensual if they're cheered on by a room filled with 30 people?
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
