i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
