id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I should be sponsored by Trojan
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
Randomize
