He uses pillows to masturbate.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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