Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Randomize
