Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
