We got so high we made milksteak
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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