Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Randomize
