you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
