Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
you win again, gameday.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
