Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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