How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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