it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
