You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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