imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
