What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize