You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize
