sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
