i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Randomize
