Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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