I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Randomize
