i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
SIMBAAAA REMEBER WHO YOU ARE
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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