Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
