fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
