only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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