9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
