I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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