we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
How has he not realized you're pregnant?
Spanx.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize