Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
