Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I got her a Nickelback box set.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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