That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
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