I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
