My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
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