remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize