Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference

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(207): View more from Maine

Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.

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(949): View more from California

Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.

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(404): View more from Georgia

Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library

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(914): View more from New York

They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.

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(970): View more from Colorado

Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!

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(613): View more from Ontario

I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.

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(323): View more from California

Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.

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(765): View more from Indiana

That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis

(1-765): View more from Indiana

Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced

(1-765): View more from Indiana

and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!

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