i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Randomize
