Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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